Maia Nebula!

The world is sick, but my smile is intact.

Sunday, October 29, 2006


Last Friday a couple of friends from the dorm kindly brought me a borrowed guitar to play in the dark.

I fell in love with it right when I felt the lacquered wood sliding into my arms. I gently plucked each string with my finger, miraculously drawing soft broken music out of it. I found I had forgotten the chords and lyrics from the songs I used to play, but that didn't matter at all, for I could have spent the whole night caressing the ever so smooth surface, listening to each note as to drops of water from a secret spring in the midst of a cave.

Oh, brief romance; the night was over and we were forced to say goodbye. What deliciously wooden body am I to hug from now on? Where will my voice come from if utter silence is not enough?

I desperately need my own guitar.

Thursday, October 26, 2006


Je ne manque à personne,
Mais ce n'est pas grave:
J'ai dejà passé un bon moment,
Un bon moment autrefois.

—Pink Martini

Thursday, October 19, 2006

A Friend in Need Is a Friend Indeed

Falling ill while living abroad represents a huge responsibility. There's no mother giving me hot agua de panela with lime right before sleeping, no father coming to my room to ask me how I'm feeling, no Himura running to my fainted side on the front yard, covering me with a sweater and blocking the sun from my face. It's up to me whether I can take enough care of myself, whether I can get better soon or not. As I feebly glance at the sunset from my dizzy bed, I feel the crushing weight of loneliness, the diametric distance which can only be breached through words—and even words are not enough.

Suddenly, a friend shows up at my doorstep with bananas, vitamin C, and a few recommendations.

I'm such a lucky person.

Thank you so very much, Cora.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Testa in cassetta

E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle.
—Dante Allighieri

I can see it coming.

I'll arrive when the class is about to start; it's better than hanging there, wasting precious minutes in waiting inside a cold classroom.

I'll wait for my turn to spit out blocks of nonsense which I managed to cram into my brain so poorly that it freezes in the middle of the process. The suffering will continue until the last shards of sentences are removed from my flesh, slowly, with no anaesthesia. What shall I do about these open wounds? Apply some lemon, add another paragraph, stare into the void while thousands of questions are being asked.

Yes, I've already tried looking at it from the bright side; I've even preached the possible benefits of this daily exercise, so reminiscent of Tom Sawyer. However, when I find that I have to dedicate the best minutes of dawn to thoughts other than my own, I wonder whether this is some kind of Dantesque Inferno at the end of which I'm supposed to, like the bitter poet, gratefully encounter the familiar yet breathtaking view of a starry sky.

At least Mt. Fuji is visible for the third consecutive day. That should be a good sign.

Sunday, October 08, 2006


My favorite thing about this dorm is the view of Mt. Fuji. The landscape changes dramatically when the clouds recede and blue sky reveals a chain of rugged mountains. Then, like an elegant tall woman at the back of a group picture, Mt. Fuji glances at us from afar.

And we stare at each other for a long, long time...

Saturday, October 07, 2006


This is the time of the year when the moon is the roundest, they say.

The world keeps getting older, some humans make their debut onstage, some others leave. Today is an important day for some, today is a sad day for some, today is just another day. It's another day and the moon is so beautiful.

Montserrat Caballé sings a lullaby and makes me want to cry. How I wish life weren't supposed to be reduced to a couple of books, but I know I could make this so much easier on myself if I didn't think of it as a burden, if I didn't associate it with the monotonous, arrow-like lifestyle that pervades this dormitory.

I've been thinking too much today. When will I finally give myself a break?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Twee Annotaties

  1. We attend the same class. My seat offers a perfect view of his, and vice versa. He knows when I don't want to answer the teacher, and I notice when he finally laughs at a common joke. However, it's all the same as if we sat in different classrooms. Last night I ran into him at the cafeteria. "What a pleasant surprise", he exclaimed with a wide smile. We ate together and talked with delight, as if the distance between us were soon to become, once again, kilometric.
  2. Today, for the first time, I saw a young shaven-headed Japanese man. I couldn't help staring.

Monday, October 02, 2006

It's Raining in Fuchu

And I don't feel like studying. However, much to my surprise, I don't feel depressed at all in this weather. Perhaps it's because a) it feels a lot like back home, b) this is not winter yet, and c) I slept really well last night.

Coffee/tea/hot chocolate and biscuits, anyone?