Maia Nebula!

The world is sick, but my smile is intact.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

--Robert Frost

Saturday, October 25, 2003

Otanjoubi Omedetou, Takizawa Sensei!

Why is Tatsuya Fujiwara on both of my blogs?

Because it's Kotaro Takizawa's birthday!

To him, my most sincere congratulations. Live long and prosper!

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Sayonara, Amaguri-chan...

It's so sad! My Amaguri-chan decided to break away from my bag and walk around the streets of Bogota by himself.

Every time I looked at his sweet face I felt like everything was worthwhile. You'll think I'm stupid, but that little thing was the cutest ornament my school bag could ever have. Now it's empty. And... I feel a little empty, but I must accept it. I didn't drop him, he unscrewed himself off (without my knowledge) until I looked and he had disappeared...

Wherever you are, be happy, little thing. I can't replace you... I'll miss you tons. Especially for all the good memories you used to bring.

Sunday, October 19, 2003

I Will Remember You... Will You Remember Me?

Sara McLachlan is singing, and I'm in the mood to write. This is one of the times when the music imposes the mood, when I feel this kind of saudade that doesn't let me sleep, when a conversation over MSN is not a good idea, but a kiss (an impossible kiss at this time and space) is.

I like to write here. It's so far from the noise of C:\GEEK>, where I'm expecting to be heard. I don't have much of an audience there; people usually write comments like "oh yeah I remember", and the most usual ones are things that have nothing to do with what I have written. Maybe I'm a sucky writer. Maybe I should stick to writing for nobody, keeping all the words to myself. I don't even know what I'm expecting... maybe a true reader? But, what is a true reader? One that feels identified with my poor thoughts and responds sincerely... That thing doesn't exist. They read because I ask them to, they talk because I ask them to. They don't listen. (Coldplay is playing, Trouble makes me feel sad...)

So yeah, that's Geek. Lonesome stories for lonesome results. Sometimes I regret the small audience I've gained there. Not that I hold anything against them personally, it's just that I've stopped writing my own stuff. Well, Ganbatte! was made for my own stuff. Still, even if my words are destined to a certain group of people, they don't open mouths, they don't move fingers. My life has nothing to offer except for a smile and an ear. I'm so much of an ear that nobody thinks I actually have something to say. I could try to speak a thousand times, a thousand times I would be interrupted. There are exceptions (you know who you are), and those exceptions prevent my life from falling into emptiness.

I'm not an absolute loner. I have a family and a fairytale warrior to save me. I'm just convinced that my place is just not here.

TFF! (Quite Late)

These are boring, but I'll answer them.

1. Name five things in your refrigerator.
Milk, cheese, grapes, mandarin lemons, and wasabi.

2. Name five things in your freezer.
I'm guessing fish, icecubes, meat, chicken, and lots of frost.

3. Name five things under your kitchen sink.
Drawers, a trash can, the electric dishwasher, and a piece of wood.

4. Name five things around your computer.
Right now: the tv remote control, the tag that came with the M bag that contained the books I sent to Colombia, a bunch of pictures from my 18th birthday and my departure to the States (I wonder why they're there), one of my mom's architecture books, and one of my sister's notebooks.

5. Name five things in your medicine cabinet.
I don't have such thing, and I don't know where my mom keeps the medicines.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Saudade: The Delightful Doubt

After a while, when everything's settled and you know exactly what to say and what not to say, you start to miss the simple pleasures of the early beginning. You used to hide your real intentions behind a world of shyness, you turned away when you really wanted to gaze eternally into that special person's eyes, and the universe seemed to be made up entirely of fantasies. There is so much beauty in a first date, when everything seems to go wonderfully, when all your secret codes are deciphered and answered in another, maybe more intricate code... and you wonder... am I right? are we right?

There is no need for any of those silly things now. It's over. You are, you aren't, you don't wait for an invitation to coffee anymore. Words are exactly what they mean. Phone calls and e-mails have become a routine. The love is strong, you can ask yourself a thousand times and the answer will always be the same: yes, yes, yes, forever and ever. However... where is that nervous "hello" you were waiting to say all day long? Where is the delightful doubt?

When you get bored of each other, can you reverse the enthropy and with pounding heartbeats build again the passion that faded into an uncertain smoke of certain love?

Friday, October 10, 2003


1. Do you watch sports? If so, which ones?
This is a soccer country. Everybody watches soccer... except for me. They also watch F1 to see how Juan Pablo Montoya always loses and Michael Schumacher always wins (F1 is a monopoly, it's that simple; there is absolutely no need to watch it). I don't like to watch sports. However, I don't miss the Olympics. Most of the sports shown there are beautiful!

2. What/who are your favorite sports teams and/or favorite athletes?
Geez, this proves I'm a complete ignorant in terms of sports. I don't have a favorite team nor athlete (I don't know which are good and why... Real Madrid is the world's dream team, but I don't follow Beckham). You can ask me about any of them and I have no idea about their performance. I know everyone loves Beckham, but that's the extent of my knowledge. Since I live in a soccer country, I can remember soccer players' names. Don't ask me about the rest of sports.

3. Are there any sports you hate?
Well, just about all of them! Just kidding. Do you want to know which sport I hate? WELL I HATE FOOTBALL!!! It's totally pointless!

4. Have you ever been to a sports event?
I went to the soccer stadium once, to see a local team play. Apart from that... just school sports (basketball, soccer, football at Loras--I left early).

5. Do/did you play any sports (in school or other)? How long did you play?
I am the least sporty person you could ever meet. I've never played, it seems I'll never play in my life. Yeah, that's the way I am.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

My best friend is in a mental ward. Something wasn't right behind her smile, and even though her friends tried to help, the problem was way beyond a simple blues. This morning I found her message, and I can't describe the feeling I got from it. Vacuity, perhaps? It seemed like many bad things were suddenly converging right above me. It's bad enough to receive a 'pop confession' from someone I trusted (it all got solved later, fortunately) to learn soon afterwards that my best friend's mind hasn't been that okay, after all.
My mom had told me one day that one of her friends in New York went crazy and she had visited her in the mental ward. She was about my age by then. Maybe my life is a bizarre copy of my mom's, which is not bad at all. But that's not the point. The point is, despite it all, my friend has not changed; she is the same great person I studied with, almost my sister, the only girl who's never come up with a stupid complaint that could risk our friendship. She is my true best friend. And I can't think of her as a mental case or a crazy woman. No, wherever she is, she is exactly who she's always been.
I hope everything turns out well, because all I care about right now, in terms of friendship, is her welfare.

Friday, October 03, 2003

Battle Royale

I wish I could speak Japanese fluently. Now. It's one of the most beautiful languages in the world. Even Queen sang a song in Japanese... Oh by the way, I watched this very old NHK show, recorded it, and now I can't stop thinking about the song! It's so beautiful!

In some ways, being in the university is like being in Battle Royale. It's ruthless, you fight only for yourself in order to get good grades, and sometimes you make alliances that can either help you or sink you. Some people prefer just to jump off a cliff, leave right after they start. It's tough; will all the people I know survive? It must be sad to see your friends give up and die.

Tatsuya Fujiwara--This is the closest you will ever get to seeing Kotaro Takizawa on the big screen.

Man, I can't stop listening to J-pop and all that stuff in Japanese. It's a language that's been calling me all my life (I can assure you the words I used to make up when I was a kid sounded like Japanese). Maybe it's an influence from the NHK.

Anyway, the battle goes on. This week's a short break, but after that... grab your firearms and your axe, and keep on fightin'!